When I started my 28 Days of Self Love challenge, I expected February to be a fun month of self-care practices to help me progress on my path of healing. What I didn’t expect was the emotional rollercoaster I went through.
Focusing on what makes you happy also forces you to acknowledge what makes you unhappy.
I had to face my shadows in ways that really shook me, battling the hissing voices in my head whispering those ugly words-
“You’re not good enough”
“You’re body’s not fit enough”
“You’ve wasted your life.”
Doing all the cute little self-love activities helped take my mind off those voices but they didn’t entirely erase them. Maybe that’s the ugly truth about self-love. It’s not all butterflies & rainbows. Sometimes self-love is the ability to love yourself through the icky grime that rears its ugly head from time to time.
My shadow self was the mean girl I always avoided. She picked at every insecurity, kicked me when I was down, and made me feel like I was unworthy of self-love. She was a bully. She made me feel like giving up on myself was the only option. And that’s what bullies do- isolate & destroy. I had been bullied so much the past couple of years that I began to bully myself.
Everyone has their own shadows. You can’t outrun them. You can’t hide from them. But you also can’t hide within them. There’s only one way to handle shadows- you face them.
Instead of listening to the whispers and accepting them for fact, I asked myself questions.
“Why do I think I’m not good enough? Is it because I’m comparing myself to others who are more successful? Didn’t they have to start somewhere as well?”
“Why am I so hard on my body? Am I really not fit or am I holding myself to an impossible standard of beauty that society has forced upon me?”
“What defines a wasted life? Lack of money? Lack of status? Do those things really matter in the end?”
The answers to these questions were obvious. I learned how to challenge my inner mean girl and put that sheisty bitch in her place!
Now when I hear those whispers stirring, I turn on the spotlight and take a closer look. I guess that’s the thing with shadows- once you’re brave enough to shine a light on them, they disappear.
Blessed Be, happy witches!
The Snow Orchid Witch